What do we miss when we focus on fixing our children

How Parents Can Find Balance, Self-Care, and Calm in the Chaos

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If you’re a parent of a child with special needs, your life can feel like a whirlwind of responsibilities, emotions, and expectations. From navigating your child’s unique challenges to trying to manage your own stress levels, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself.

But what if I told you that small, intentional moments of connection and sensory enrichment can help not only your child but also you as a caregiver?

In our recent podcast with Mariela Desantiago, a special education teacher, fitness instructor, and mom to a young son, we explored how sensory enrichment strategies can transform daily struggles into moments of calm, offering practical ways to support your child while finding balance and self-care.

And yes, even if you feel like you have no time to breathe, let alone take care of yourself—this is for you.

Here’s what we learned.

Why multitasking moms need boundaries

We live in a culture that glorifies multitasking, but as Mariela points out, this often comes at the expense of your mental health. Whether you’re juggling work emails, a tantrum, and dinner all at once, it’s time to give yourself permission to create boundaries.

“I don’t do emails when my son is awake because I’m not going to be good at them,” Mariela shared.

By setting firm boundaries, she ensures that when she is with her son, she’s present—and when it’s time for work, she’s fully focused.

If you’re parenting a child with special needs, these boundaries can be even more important. Your child may need you to be fully engaged, and trying to split your attention can lead to frustration for both of you.

Set times for specific tasks, and trust that this structure will help you feel more in control. Try allocating specific blocks of time during the day when you can focus on one task at a time. This technique, called time-blocking, is one of the best ways to stay present.

Reclaiming self-care, even if you only have 5 minutes

Self-care doesn’t have to be long, luxurious spa days. In fact, most parents don’t have that kind of time. But that doesn’t mean you can’t recharge in smaller, intentional ways.

Mariela shared how she squeezes in just 30 minutes of “me-time” every day during her son’s nap time.

“Sometimes it’s a workout. Other days it’s watching some trash TV. Whatever it is, I make sure to take 30 minutes just for myself,” she said.

You might not have 30 minutes, but you can take 5 minutes.

Go outside, breathe fresh air, or just sit in silence. As research shows, even 5 minutes of mindfulness can reduce stress levels and improve overall well-being (source).

For parents of children with sensory issues, self-care can also mean incorporating calming sensory experiences. Something as simple as rubbing a pleasant scent on your wrist or using soft, textured fabrics can help reduce sensory overload.

Turning meltdowns into teaching moments

We all know that meltdowns are inevitable. But Mariela highlighted an important perspective: meltdowns don’t have to derail your day.

“It’s about turning those moments into a game or a learning opportunity,” she explained.

Rather than focusing on stopping the meltdown, Mariela suggests helping your child feel in control of the situation.

For example, give them a choice. “Do you want to pick up your toys by yourself, or do you want me to help you?” This approach gives the child a sense of autonomy, reducing their frustration.

And if your child is experiencing a sensory meltdown, using simple tools like scent or cold to redirect their attention can be highly effective. You can find more about this strategy in our guide on how to de-escalate meltdowns in five seconds.

Making sensory enrichment part of your daily life

Sensory enrichment is not just for children—it’s for the whole family. Simple, daily activities can engage the brain’s self-repair mechanisms, improving neuroplasticity and boosting mood.

In the podcast, Mariela highlighted one technique she uses with her son: using sensory objects to make even the most mundane tasks more fun.

“I’ll do something like, ‘I’m going to pick up all the monster trucks, and you pick up the other toys,’ she said. “Turning things into a game makes him excited to participate.”

At Mendability, we know how critical it is for activities to be fun, not feel like work. That’s why our programs are designed to incorporate sensory stimulation in a way that feels like family time, not therapy. This method strengthens neural connections without feeling overwhelming for you or your child.

Rethinking how we approach self-care

The most important takeaway? Caring for yourself is not selfish—it’s essential.

“We’re taking care of a human, and we need to take care of ourselves,” Mariela reminds us.

This reminder is especially true for parents of children with special needs, who often put their own needs last. By reclaiming even a few minutes for yourself, you become a better parent, a better partner, and a better version of yourself.

When we give ourselves the space to pause, breathe, and recharge, we’re better equipped to handle the unique challenges our families face. Sensory enrichment and self-care are not luxuries—they’re lifelines.

Transcript

Kim – Mendability:
We’re really excited to have Mariela today as our guest. Mariela De Santiago is the amazing mom behind the New Mom Talk podcast. She’s the founder of Carlsbad Mom Walks. Also a special education teacher and a fitness instructor. Welcome, Mariela.

Mariela:
Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Kim – Mendability:
Yeah, and we’re also here with Claudie Pomares. She’s the creator of Sensory Enrichment Therapy. She’s the Chief Science Officer at Mendability.
And we provide a unique evidence-based and clinically validated brain stimulation program that helps all sorts of neurological challenges. And Claudie will be doing some training on sensory-enrichment protocols during this interview.
So stick around. And as for me, Kim Pomares and the CEO at Mendability, but I’m also Claudie’s son. So hi, Mom.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Hi, I thought you were my boss.

Mariela:
Oh, yeah. The office.

Kim – Mendability:
Haha, lots of baggage there to unpack. Maybe with you, Mariela. You can help us with that. Have you ever worked with family?

Mariela:
I haven’t. My siblings have siblings that are also teachers. One of them also teaches special ed, but in the preschool level.
So I haven’t worked with them, but we definitely have always kind of bounced ideas or learned off one another because special ed in the high school level is very different from special ed in the preschool level.

Kim – Mendability:
Yes, we’ve seen that when we trained the teams, know, special ed teams with the kids. They were like all over this and give us all the games and the protocols, but with special ed in high school, it’s always, “I don’t think our kids are going to want to do that.”
It’s a whole, whole different ballgame. Yes. But um, let’s, let’s start at the beginning, Mariela, with you.
Tell us why, why are you doing what you’re doing today? Tell us about your journey, what obstacles came in your way. How did you solve them and what do you have to share with our audience with our we’ve got families who have children with special needs we’ve got special educators on a call and we’ve got health professionals so what’s your why?

Mariela:
Well, I was in the classroom for many many years. I earned my master’s in special ed with a focus on autism and being in the classroom you know I learned a lot of different skills with working with kids and being able to I’m going to use the word negotiate but really negotiate how to help them out and to get them to complete a task right so once I had my baby I thought I was going to want to go back to work and I just could not get myself to leave him like I think a lot of moms do so I decided to stay home but I couldn’t just stay home I couldn’t just sit back because then it was like I was I saw and needed my personal life where I was searching for answers on everything that was not related to being in the classroom everything from starting solids and feeding a baby or all of the different milestones right we don’t get that in a classroom like at that point kids are way beyond that but I found that I was getting conflicting information and it was really hard for me to determine what was factual what was credible and what was evidence-based so just let me ask you this did you think going into parenthood you know I I’ve got this training I was special education I can help kids who have you know different brains so my baby is going to be awesome I’m going to know everything did you go into this

Kim – Mendability:
Was that the mentality, the mindset?

Mariela:
No, I thought that when my son was going to start school that he was going to be getting a lot of extra support here at home just because of my background. And that might still be the case when he is at that level. He’s only two. So, we are just now about to start Montessori and I think that’s going to be harder for me than it is for him. But I just, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought, you know, you just figure it out as a parent, which you do, but there’s a lot that I didn’t know that I was googling, that I was trying to find answers and you get a lot of input from other people and a lot of it is very personal anecdote and it’s not evidence-based and that’s kind of what I needed. I just needed the area. answers, just give me the background of like, here’s what’s been studied. here is, here are all the answers to the questions are asking on, let’s say starting solids. Now you do what’s best for you and your family. Whereas I think that as as parents were just bombarded by, you need to do baby like we need, or you need to do purees. Oh, you need to be doing this and that, right?

Kim – Mendability:
Now all the time, right? Because I remember eggs were bad for a while, and eggs are good. And and then flavorless versus flavorful, scent free versus no scents.

Mariela:
Or the peanuts.

Kim – Mendability:
Yeah, the allergies. Yeah, it’s so so are you like a subscriber to PubMed. Is this your, is this your library now?
You go in Google, okay, solids, what is the latest? meta-analysis in the studies, where do you get your information?

Mariela:
No, I would talk to the doctor, we’re plant-based, so for us, you know, we weren’t doing any animal products, so that was pretty simple in that case, but it was more so of like, I think the biggest fear for me was the peanut butter. I love peanut butter, I live off of peanut butter, and it was going to be very hard for me if I couldn’t have peanuts.

Kim – Mendability:
I think she was just a few hours old, and I had a Snickers bar. Why do I have Snickers bar? Because I don’t need those kind of chocolates, usually. must have found it, must have been part of the hospital gift basket or something, and I remember rubbing my finger on it and just getting the and rubbing the baby’s lips. I figured if there’s allergies, she’s in the right place for it for something to happen, and if she may be by exposing her. I was, you know, I was 25 years ago. I was, you know, a lot, it was even more stupid than I am today. But I thought, I remember doing that and I, I’ve got a, anyway, I thought that was a silly story to share.

Mariela:
Well, I’ve been there to tell you, like, not to expose them to allergens until a certain age. Now it’s the other way around. You have to expose them within that first year. So, you know, science, it’s interesting because it’s always changing.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Yeah, hopefully we know more, not less.

Kim – Mendability:
Hopefully.

Mariela:
Yeah, well, fortunately, my son is not allergic to anything so far.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Right.

Mariela:
Yeah, so that’s kind of, so anyway, with the constantly being on Google, I decided that there had to be a podcast out there where I could go out for a walk. because I had to move, right? Just had a baby. I don’t want to be stuck inside. I don’t have the time. I’m sleep deprived. I wanted to listen to a podcast that gave me the information that I was googling, but gave me like evidence behind it in short episodes, like 20 minutes. It didn’t exist. I looked for about three months and then I decided, well, I’m not going back to work. I think I’m going to create this. So I spent three months figuring out how to create a podcast and now I do what it is that I wish existed when I was a new parent.
And then from there, I have the Carlsbad Mom Walks, which I rebranded recently to be Carlsbad Mom Crew, but that was designed with the intent of bringing moms together in different spaces through various events. But not only that, I really also wanted to share different products or services that moms would benefit from, like a lactation consultant to a pelvic floor therapist to a new baby product that everyone needs to try. Baby snacks because I think the small and local businesses don’t really get that exposure. And so I wanted moms to learn about alternative options rather than just falling back on, “I’m just going to go to Target, I’m just going to get whatever is at the grocery store or Google.” And then you’re not getting—I don’t feel like you get the same quality as if you work with smaller local businesses that are putting all of their heart and soul into it. The founders are still a part of it. And yes, they’re trying to profit, but it’s also very much about backing their product and service.

Kim – Mendability:
When I was looking for, you know, people and resources to bring to our podcast for our audience, what struck me when I saw your profile was thinking about how we could talk about striking a good work-life balance. And this whole idea of self-care.
When you have a child with special needs, you probably don’t have time to do a podcast or research because your full-time job becomes managing your child’s life. You’re becoming a lawyer, a therapist, and all these things you didn’t expect to be. You have all these responsibilities, emotions, and time constraints. So when I saw your profile, I thought, “Oh, there’s probably a lot Mariela can share.” How do you manage self-care, stress, and work-life balance? Where would you want to start?

Mariela:
I think starting off with determining what your boundaries are and being able to say “no” is important. It changes a lot when you become a parent, and even more so if your child has special needs. You’re being relied upon even more, so you need stronger boundaries. You also need to be clear about where you’re allotting time in your day to take care of yourself.

With self-care, people often think it means going to the spa, getting your nails done, or taking an hour-long bath. And yes, if you can, that’s great! But the reality is, sometimes it’s just taking five minutes to sit outside in silence. That’s a form of self-care. For me, I squeeze in self-care during my son’s nap time. I take 30 minutes to work out, and if I don’t work out, maybe I watch some trash TV. Whatever it is, I give myself that time. It took a while for me to get there, but now I make sure to carve out 30 minutes every day for myself.

Kim – Mendability:
It sounds like you’re an expert in making time for self-care. Claudie, I know you work with parents a lot. What would you want to ask Mariela about self-care for our clients?

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Well, besides the amount of time, because we often ask parents, “When was the last time you did something for yourself?” and unfortunately, the answer is usually, “I can’t remember.” Your recommendation to carve out a small piece of time each day is huge. It’s something parents can start thinking about before they can execute it. But I’m wondering, what can a mom do who’s at home, maybe with a child watching a cartoon over and over again? What simple things can she do for fitness in, say, the bathroom or kitchen to make her feel better physically?

Mariela:
I used to always use my time wisely, even as a teacher. I would go for walks during my lunch break. If all you have is five minutes, you don’t need to squeeze in a 30-minute workout all at once. Sometimes I break up my workouts myself. If you have five minutes, you could start with something like a wall squat. Hold it for 10 seconds, take a break, and work your way up to 60 seconds.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
I love the wall squat idea! Could you explain how to do it for those who might not know?

Mariela:
With a wall squat, you stand with your back against a wall, and you’re essentially sitting in an invisible chair. Your legs should be at a 90-degree angle, and your knees should be directly above your ankles. You don’t want your knees going past your toes. Breathe in and out, and try to keep your knees from caving in or moving outward. It’s not going to feel comfortable at first, but as parents, we’re already familiar with struggle! You can push through a 10 or 20-second struggle.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
That’s great!

Mariela:
Another simple exercise is Tabata, which is a four-minute workout where you do 20 seconds of a single movement, then take a 10-second break, and repeat. You can do bicep curls with small weights, for example. Even if your little one is in a stroller, you can go for a brisk walk in the park while listening to an audiobook or podcast. You don’t need to entertain your child in the stroller—they’re already stimulated by the outdoors.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Yes, they can listen to a podcast!

Mariela:
Exactly!

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
I love those simple ideas. Simplicity is key for our parents.

Kim – Mendability:
Thank you for sharing those ideas. Claudie, I thought you were going to ask if there’s a way to turn daily activities into a workout—like washing dishes on your tiptoes or changing a baby without a changing table.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Yeah, on the floor maybe!

Mariela:
Or holding a plank while you change the diaper!

Kim – Mendability:
Oh, I hate those planks where you go from your elbows to a push-up position and back down. I find them hard, probably because of my weak left shoulder. But you could do something like that with your baby, right? Would it be weird to do a workout while your child’s playing near you?

Mariela:
Not at all. When my son was an infant, I’d work out with him sitting in a little bouncer or I’d hold him during squats. I’d turn it into a game. It also shows him that working out is part of our lifestyle. It’s not a chore or task—it’s something we do to stay healthy. Plus, we need to stay healthy to keep up with our kids! They have so much energy.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
Yes, even with coffee, I can’t always keep up with our busy parents!

Mariela:
Exactly, and exercise helps manage stress too, which goes back to the self-care piece. If you’re taking care of yourself, you can be more present for your kids.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
That’s right, and there’s science behind it. Exercise increases serotonin in the brain, which helps with mood, learning, and sleep. Serotonin is your good friend when you’re taking care of yourself.

Mariela:
I love hearing the evidence behind it all!

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
That’s why we’re talking, right?

Kim – Mendability:
Mariela, you mentioned earlier that exercise should be something fun, not work. Our therapy program only works if it feels like play. We prescribe small, hands-on games that engage the brain’s self-repair mechanisms. These activities take just a minute or two. How would you introduce something like that to your two-year-old to make it fun and not feel like a chore?

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
What’s a good example? Well, one of the exercises we do with babies is discovering the elements of pleasure through various foods. We start by having the child smell the aroma of a vegetable or fruit, like a cucumber, wrapped in a piece of tissue. They smell it, and then we show them a picture of that fruit or vegetable. The smell activates dopamine production in the brain, and when you link it with the visual system, it helps connect those two senses. Then we ask the child to feel the texture of the fruit, but not with their hands—we use their arm or cheek. It introduces them to the pleasurable aspect of touch without overwhelming them. Finally, we rub a little of the fruit on their lips to give them a tiny exposure, which can help with allergies. It’s a sensory experience that takes just one or two minutes, and it’s designed to build up a positive relationship with food over time.

Kim – Mendability:
We do the same protocol with a wide range of kids, and we call it the “multisensory core protocol” because it activates multiple areas of the brain. But parents often ask, “How do I keep this fun and engaging over time?” As you were listening to Claudie explain, did any thoughts or visuals come to mind that might help parents keep it fun?

Mariela:
It’s always about making it a game, right? For example, with my two-year-old, he doesn’t always want to pick up his toys. Instead of telling him over and over, I make it into a game. I’ll say, “Let’s have a race! I’ll pick up the monster trucks, and you pick up the other toys!” Or I give him a choice, like, “Do you want to pick up your toys by yourself, or do you want me to help you?” Giving him choices helps, depending on his mood. I think that turning something into a game or giving kids options makes it fun for them and helps them feel in control.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
That’s great! Maybe we can’t apply competition to every activity, but we definitely have some that could benefit from that idea, like, “Who’s going to do it faster or better?” That’s a good tip.

Kim – Mendability:
And you could use the choice idea, like, “Do you want to smell the banana or the cucumber today?” Giving them choices, even within a small range, can make it more engaging.

Mariela:
Exactly. Kids don’t have much control over their day-to-day lives, so giving them choices—no matter how small—makes them feel empowered. It’s like when I ask my son, “Do you want to pick up your toys by yourself or do you want me to help?” The end goal is the same: the toys are going to be picked up. But giving him the choice makes him feel like he has some control over how we get there.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
I have another question for you. Many of the children we work with are very picky eaters for all kinds of reasons. Have you had the opportunity to encourage your child to eat something he didn’t want to eat? How did you make it happen?

Mariela:
Well, my son loves food—he gets that from me! He’s never been a particularly picky eater, but he has moments where he doesn’t want to eat something, like broccoli. In those moments, I don’t force it. I try to encourage him by making it fun. For example, I ask him, “Do you want to put pepper on it?” Or, “Do you want to use a dip?” We call dressing “tip-dip.” Giving him the option to add seasoning or dip makes it more exciting for him. We try to keep the options limited—just two, because too many can be overwhelming. And all we’re really asking for is that he tries it. If he tries it, that’s a win. He doesn’t have to eat it all.

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
That’s brilliant! The food stays on the plate, but he has control over how he interacts with it, which reduces the anxiety around the broccoli. It’s no longer about the food itself, but about how he can make it more appealing to himself.

Kim – Mendability:
Do you think kids with autism have the ability to imagine that they can change the texture or taste of something they don’t like by adding something to it? Or is that a step too far?

Claudie Pomares (Mendability):
It’s definitely possible to expand on that idea. For example, you could give them the choice of eating it with a spoon or with their fingers. Offering choices can shift the focus from the texture or taste they don’t like to the action of making a decision. Even if they still don’t want to eat the broccoli, the conversation changes, and the interaction with the food becomes different. It’s a subtle shift, but it can make a big difference.

Kim – Mendability:
I wanted to talk about applying business principles to parenting, but I’m seeing the time, and I think that’s probably a whole other episode! But Mariela, before we go, what are the top one or two time management or business techniques that you think apply to the daily life of a parent with a child who has special needs? Have you learned anything from your entrepreneurial experience that you think is really useful in parenting?

Mariela:
Definitely. The biggest takeaway is setting boundaries. For me, that means not doing emails when my son is awake because I know I won’t be able to focus on them properly. I wake up early—yes, it’s hard—but I get up earlier than he does so I can get some work done in the morning. I also use his nap time for work, and in the evening after he goes to bed. I’m very consistent about that. Anytime I have a call with a potential client, I let them know that if my son is awake, he’ll be in the background. And if that bothers them, then I’m probably not the best person to work with, because my son is my business partner. He’s part of everything I do. I also let them know that I’ll send emails in the evening, and that’s how I manage things. So, it’s all about setting clear boundaries and expectations. The other thing is checklists. I love checklists! The feeling of checking something off when you’re done is so satisfying.

Kim – Mendability:
It sounds like you’re talking about time blocking. Is that what you mean? You know you’re going to do emails during a specific time block, and once that time comes, you focus on that, knowing that you’ve already planned for it. Is that right?

Mariela:
Yes, exactly. I set aside specific times when I can be productive, knowing that my son will be asleep or occupied. If he’s at an activity, or if someone’s helping me, then I use that time for work. Sometimes it’s working out, sometimes it’s prepping food, or even creating a grocery checklist. It’s all about figuring out what I can do during those moments where I don’t need to give my full attention to something else.

Kim – Mendability:
When do you usually do your scheduling? Do you plan at the end of the day for the next day, or do you plan your week ahead of time?

Mariela:
I typically do it the night before. I make a checklist of things I want to get done the next day, but I also have a list of longer-term tasks that aren’t urgent. For example, things like writing questions for upcoming guests or creating posts for next month’s episodes. I add those to my list as I go, and then prioritize them depending on what’s coming up.

Kim – Mendability:
I’d love to end the podcast by having you share what’s been the most rewarding aspect of starting New Mom Talk and supporting other moms.

Mariela:
Honestly, it’s the education. I’ve learned so much from all the experts who have come on the podcast. I also discovered a real passion for talking about the postpartum stage, which doesn’t get enough attention. I want to remind moms to prepare for it as much as they can because we don’t usually do that. We’re taking care of a human, so we need to take care of ourselves too. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself.

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