What ancient African wisdom teaches about strengthening nonverbal bonds with your autistic child

What ancient African wisdom teaches about strengthening nonverbal bonds with your autistic child

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In a world where words often dominate our interactions, the profound impact of nonverbal communication is sometimes overlooked. Yet, for parents of autistic children, understanding and harnessing this silent language can be transformative.

This article delves into the insights shared in a recent podcast episode featuring Gao Motsemme, a healer specializing in generational trauma and personal empowerment, who uses African ancient quantum medicine to help individuals reconnect with their true selves.

“When you resent the problem, you are resenting the solution.” – Gao Motsemme

The Power of Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication is a powerful tool that transcends words, allowing us to connect on a deeper level. For parents of autistic children, this form of communication can be particularly significant. Autistic children often experience the world differently, and their ability to communicate verbally may be limited. This is where nonverbal cues become essential.

Research has shown that nonverbal communication accounts for a significant portion of our interactions. According to a study by Mehrabian, 55% of communication is nonverbal, 38% is vocal (tone of voice), and only 7% is verbal (the words themselves) source. This highlights the importance of being attuned to the nonverbal signals your child is sending.

In the podcast, Gao Motsemme emphasizes the importance of being present and mindful, stating, “When you are present enough to notice, you can also learn.” This presence allows parents to pick up on subtle cues and better understand their child’s needs and emotions.

Embracing Ancient African Wisdom

African ancient quantum medicine offers a unique perspective on healing and connection. This practice, rooted in traditional African healing methods, emphasizes the importance of being and listening from a place of “not knowingness.” It encourages individuals to tune into their bodies and the energies around them, rather than relying solely on the mind.

Gao explains that this approach involves a deeper conversation that happens from the body, allowing for a more profound understanding of oneself and others. This is particularly relevant for parents of autistic children, as it encourages them to connect with their child on an energetic level.

The use of traditional tools, such as bones and plants, in African healing practices is symbolic of the connection to nature and the wisdom of ancestors. While Gao does not use these tools physically, she receives their energetic magic, which she describes as an “advanced version of healing.”

Understanding Energy and Its Impact

Energy plays a crucial role in our interactions and relationships. Gao highlights the significance of energy in healing, stating,

“Our energy may influence others, and we must be aware of how much we are impacting our children.”

For parents, this means being mindful of the energy they bring into their interactions with their child. Negative energy, such as stress or frustration, can be felt by the child and may affect their behavior and well-being. Conversely, positive energy can create a supportive and nurturing environment.

To become more aware of your energy, Gao suggests checking in with yourself regularly. This involves being present in your body, releasing any negative energy, and setting positive intentions for the day. By doing so, you can create a more harmonious and balanced relationship with your child.

Practical Tips for Parents

Here are some practical tips for parents to strengthen their nonverbal bonds with their autistic child:

  • Be Present: Practice mindfulness and be fully present in your interactions with your child. This allows you to pick up on subtle nonverbal cues and respond appropriately.
  • Set Intentions: Start each day with a clear intention for how you want to experience your interactions with your child. This can help you maintain a positive and supportive energy.
  • Use Touch: Physical touch, such as holding hands or giving a gentle hug, can be a powerful way to communicate love and support nonverbally.
  • Observe Body Language: Pay attention to your child’s body language and facial expressions. These can provide valuable insights into their emotions and needs.
  • Create a Safe Space: Ensure that your child feels safe and comfortable in their environment. This can help them feel more at ease and open to nonverbal communication.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Parenting a child with special needs often involves a journey of self-discovery. Rao shares her personal story of how she came to embrace her path as a healer, despite initial resistance. She emphasizes the importance of connecting with one’s true self and understanding one’s purpose.

“Who are you without your children?” – Gao Motsemme

This question invites parents to reflect on their identity beyond their role as a caregiver. By reconnecting with their passions and desires, parents can find fulfillment and joy in their own lives, which in turn benefits their children.

The Role of Acceptance and Healing

Acceptance is a crucial step in the healing process. For parents of autistic children, this means accepting their child’s unique abilities and challenges, as well as their own emotions and experiences.

Gao discusses the importance of dealing with suppressed emotions, such as anger or resentment, which can hinder the healing process. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, parents can create a more positive and supportive environment for their child.

Healing also involves letting go of expectations and embracing the present moment. This allows parents to fully appreciate their child’s unique gifts and potential.

Balancing Self-Care and Caregiving

Self-care is essential for parents, especially those caring for a child with special needs. It is important to find a balance between caregiving and taking time for oneself.

Rao emphasizes the importance of maintaining personal passions and self-care routines. This not only benefits the parent but also sets a positive example for the child.

“We can only support our children at the level that we’re able to support ourselves.” – Gao Motsemme

By prioritizing self-care, parents can recharge and bring more positive energy into their interactions with their child.

The Transformative Power of Presence

The power of presence cannot be overstated. Being fully present in the moment allows parents to connect with their child on a deeper level and respond to their needs more effectively.

Rao encourages parents to practice presence by tuning into their bodies and the energies around them. This involves letting go of distractions and focusing on the here and now.

By cultivating presence, parents can create a more harmonious and supportive environment for their child, fostering a stronger nonverbal bond.

Transcript

Kim
I know our audience is probably wondering what African ancient quantum medicine is. I can almost picture what African ancient medicine is, but you called it quantum medicine. Can you explain what type of medicine this is and where it comes from?

Gao
Thank you. Thanks for having me. Before we start, I want to start with greetings. It activates something within me and the audience. So I’m extending this. Dume Lang, Dume Lang Lokai. That is my greeting in my native language. I come from Botswana in South Africa. Dume Lang in direct translation is agree. So when you’re showing up at Mendability today and tuning in, what is it that you agree to? There’s one question I invite you to take with you every day when you show up because there’s a lot of information. We can only align with it if we agree to it. Lokaye in that translation is where are you? Locate yourself. Are you fully here with us, mind, body, and heart? Or is part of you still stuck in what should have been, in the bills that are not paid, in what’s wrong? I invite all of us, since we are meeting for the first time, to be present.

I know there have been many experts here. I invite you to come from the not knowing. When we choose to know, we can be present and open to the wisdom that is coming through. When I say, let us not know, it’s more letting the mind take a break and tuning into the body. What is my body informing me? In this time that we’re here, we’re going to allow the body to communicate to us rather than what we are normally doing, which is us telling the body what it feels, what that means, because when we do that, we tap into the history of what has happened. For anything new to happen, we get to be present. When you’re talking about African ancient quantum medicine, the core of it is being and listening from that not knowingness. When I work with people, we may be having a conversation like we’re having now, but it is a deeper conversation happening from the body. A person may be saying what they’re saying, but when the body is coming through, it shares something different, especially where we are often conditioned to be stoic, to pretend that everything is fine, or even be positive, which often is like coming from the mind, even that self-love is more like the mentalization of it.

But when we sit with ourselves, we can feel some sensation. You can feel some heaviness and you are not even labeling it or anything. You just allow it to be. For me, when we’re having a conversation, people come through with different desires. For some people, it’s a relationship, for some people, it’s a pain somewhere, for some people, it’s money. But when you are talking, there is an imprint happening in the body to say, this is where the block is. I get to connect with that. This is why I bring in the human MRI and psychic surgeon, because for me to know what is happening, it’s kind of like I’m scanning through just being present. I believe everyone can learn to do this. If we can learn to be present with ourselves in terms of knowing what is happening and all that. For me, it’s kind of like on another level because it’s something that I was born to do. It’s ingrained in me to know where the blocks are stored. When we say some words, because words are words, yes, words mean something.

But even when it comes to the depth of communication, words, it’s like 7% of what we are saying is what is being received when we are communicating. 38% is tonality. 55% is nonverbal. That is in what is not being said, that is something that is being communicated in every moment. My ability is to connect with that non-verbal and go beyond even, like I say, generational and all that is in the energies. That’s what I do. The difference when I’m bringing in the African ancient, this is how my ancestors have been healing. The way they did it, it’s kind of like there are tools that they had even for them to know what is happening. For instance, we’re using bones. You throw the bones and you allow the bones to tell you what is happening. These are the initiations that I personally received, but I’m not using them physically. I don’t have them physically, I receive them energetically. This is where the quantum comes in. Even when I’m maybe doing the work and then maybe a plant comes through or a crystal comes through, I don’t have it physically, but I have the energetic magic of these plants and all that.

So I’m not doing it exactly like my ancestors did, but it’s kind of like another level of doing that, but not doing it the way they did. It’s like the same, but on another level, like more the advanced version of healing.

Claudie
Well, there is something that I fully grasped a little portion of it when you talk about people talking with their body rather than with the words. Being legally blind, I absolutely need to verify the posture of people. I don’t realize that is what I’m doing, but to make sure that I understand what people are saying, I do check, okay, are they smiling? Are their hands in this place? Or are they looking tired? So I really connect to the fact that yes, we don’t only talk with the words and with the mind.

Gao
Yeah, I love that. Cause you’re just doing it, but it’s a big part of understanding when someone is nervous, they may not say I’m nervous, but their body’s showing it. When someone is depressed, they change their body postures and all of that. It’s a big part of that. Also, the energetic part. There is that physical thing that you can just tell when you’re looking at somebody, when they’re acceptable, even sort of like being defensive, like they’re just blocking you, even though they may be having a conversation, but it’s kind of like, I don’t want to go there. When you are present enough to notice that you can also learn, it’s kind of like it makes it easier for you to communicate with other people, or even to, whether it’s leading, whether it’s family or even in the boardroom, you can be aware when, because there are people who are more communicative, they talk, and then there are people who may want to say something, but they’re not comfortable with bringing themselves in the forefront. Or maybe something is not right. But when you are present at that level, you can tell and then from there, you can attend to those who are maybe holding back a bit, so you’re not leaving anyone out.

Kim
I had questions I was going to ask about. I was wondering if with my dog on my lap, if you are able to do your work with animals as well as humans? It’s a bit of a harebrained question, and it’s not something that we discussed earlier together.

Gao
Yeah, I mean, everything, everything is alive. When you connect with animals, babies, all of that, there is something that is going on. So when you connect with it, you can definitely tell what is going on. Yeah.

Kim

Tell us about your journey. What inspired you to go into this practice of healing? How did you have a personal story?

Gao
Yeah, that’s a good question. I would say I never thought I would do this, but at the same time, I knew this was my path. It’s something that I have known since I was a child, and I still remember when I started sharing with my parents what I was experiencing and they were like, oh my God, you’re gonna be a traditional doctor. But since everyone somehow turned this path down, that was the only way that they knew how. It was kind of like, you need to go to church and get baptized and otherwise you’re gonna end up being a doctor. So it was more like run away from it. Coming from a Christian family, I followed what everyone did, but it was not in alignment with my soul. Along the way, I stopped going to church completely, and I went on with my life, but at the same time suppressing this knowing that was coming through. Because every time when I shared something, what I would say is, oh, you are weird. So no one wants to be weird, right? It’s only at this age that when you say you’re weird, it’s for me, it’s like a compliment.

But growing up, I didn’t want to hear that. So I suppressed this part, but still there was a communication or a connection that was happening on a deeper level where through dreams, I was still perceiving things. I was still connecting. I was still playing around with this work. But I would say it’s at a certain level, I disconnected from myself. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be accepted. So by running away from this, I put it there and there was a part of me that was like following what everyone wants to do, being what everyone wants me to be. I was more into my work as an accountant because I worked as an accountant for many years. So I was doing that fully shutting off the whole intuitive parts and all that. But life happened. Life happened where I lost my job, my corporate job, which was a big part of my identity. Then shortly after my younger brother had an accident, the accident that I saw before it actually happened. This is also one of the things that I would say I hated about this gift, because it’s a gift, but I guess, because if something is meant to happen or you see something and then it happens, then it was sort of like pissing me off at the same time.

But at the same time, again, blaming myself, feeling like maybe if I paid more attention, I would have changed things. I still remember when my younger brother had an accident that I saw, I even had a conversation with him that this was serious because as I was crying about your death, he died in that accident. I was talking about the dreams that you had and he said I loved his response because it was also affirming what he’s choosing. He said, oh, I’m going to be here for a long time. Don’t worry about me dying. Two weeks later, the accident happened. As much as it was bad, he lived. I still remember during that time when he was in the hospital, the first time I saw him, when I left that hospital, I knelt and I said, God, spare his life. I’ll do what I came here to do because I knew I was running away from myself. One way or the other, I believe there was a moment that I said yes to this work, but there was also the beginning of the big journey that I didn’t know what I have signed up myself for, because I lost my mom shortly after.

Then I went to this judicial injustice that led to me being separated from my children for five years. That was devastating. But at the same time, it was a path that brought me to me. Through that separation, being completely devastated, feeling powerless. It’s like that was a time when I really started paying attention to what is here. I still remember when I started, I had a nudge to write, it couldn’t leave me. I was coming from work and I just had a shower and from there I sat in the dining room, I started writing. The words that came through were, who are you? Who are you without your mother, without your father, without a job, without a house, without your husband, your wife. I was writing all these things. At the same time, my ego part was like, this sounds good. So who are you? I’m thinking, imagining myself sharing this with other people. Then who are you without our children? That caught my attention and I started crying. I was like, so this message is for me. I stopped because I didn’t know who I was.

Kim
Thank you. That’s a perfect lead. The reason I connected with you is I felt that there was something you had to share to help our parents of children with special needs. Can you go in more depth in how you help parents who are overwhelmed and feel disconnected to reconnect with themselves so that they connect with their child?

Gao
Yeah, that’s a good question. Just based on my story, here is the truth, the moment we have children, especially children with special needs, we kind of forget about ourselves. Even just the children without any special needs, we put ourselves back on the side and we forget that we also have a life. But again, when you do that, there is a part of you like somewhere deep that is kind of resenting, resenting that situation that you find yourself in where it’s like, I don’t have any choice, I just have to do this. The way that I help people basically is, like I said, finding who you are. What is it that turns you on? What is it that you desire to do? But for you to even get to that, that you desire to do, you get to deal with what is here. Often, I’ll just give you an example. I had my third child in the, in a street, like when I had my third child, at the time when I felt I was more awake, I was more connected, because we started having conversations before this, this girl was born after why you chose me, what is it that you want me to support you with? She shared all this information.

Despite being awake and all that, but there’s still a part of me that I never took into consideration that I may have a child who maybe has special needs or something like that. I never took that into consideration, even when there was a time when I saw a big head in my dream and I was just like, maybe she took a big head from my father or something like that. I just took it like that. But when she was born, there were some issues and there was a part of me that I would say my heart really fell because I felt like I’ve been through a lot to be going through this again. It’s kind of like, are you kidding me, God? What is this? I still remember even when the doctor called me and told me that there is a problem with this child. The head is bigger than the body. Also, she’s got some cysts, but normally some, in other parts, the cyst disappears, but in this other part of the brain, they’ll be there permanently. So we’ll have to measure the head, like often to make, to just monitor, but we don’t know what’s going to happen.

I help them to accept that, even to accept and even express the anger that they may have towards the source or universe. People often don’t deal with this disappointment that they received after they gave birth to this child. When you don’t do that, what it does is, at times you can blame yourself, feel guilty. Oh, maybe I did this. I shouldn’t have, you know, if you go into that, it’s never-ending path, you know, and even when you’re taking care of your child from this guilt and all that is the energy that the child gets to feel. But when you deal with all this… suppressed emotions, which at the end of the day, they may cause some illness even in your body, you know, but when you deal with them and then from there, you kind of like open up to the expansive way, you get to also get to receive whatever part that this child is here to express. But when you resent, I say this, when you resent the problem, you are resenting the solution. So there is a problem because in our society, obviously we expect something, you know, oh, I’m just hoping for a healthy child and all that and all that.

Gao
Then you are gifted with this beautiful soul. Are you accepting of this beautiful soul? Are you accepting that you get to work together, but you don’t have to forget yourself on the path. So you get to deal with the discordant energies, get to deal with the resentment that is here. Because when you have dealt with this bump, then you can receive you and this soul on another level, even if it can be opening up to us for help. Otherwise, it’s kind of like, I’m just gonna have to go through it as a mother, you punish yourself. I see parents at times who are going through this whole parenting as if it’s like a punishment. I have to do it because I have children. Yet there’s some help around us. So it starts with us dealing with what is opening up to ourselves, because the level that we are connected to ourselves, the level that we are sent to of ourselves and our situations, we can open up to the other one and also open a path that, like I say, they’re here to express them in a unique way.

What is that unique way? You get to be able to be in that space to say, it’s not only the labels that the soul is bringing through. Because at times we are parenting from whatever that we are being told and also limiting from that box that we have been told, oh, this is… this whatever labels, this child belongs here and all that. But when you are holding space for a bigger expression of the soul that is unique, despite what the medical system is saying, it brings another thing. I was told what I was told even with my daughter and all these things not disappearing, but I had my own truth. Within a year, when like our first thing what I did was first thing I’d meeting what I was going through. My truth was, yes, this is what the doctors are telling me, but they could be another truth. There’s other potential, right? When I went with my daughter, I realized that the whole it’s kind of like the whole, there was a disconnection. It’s not even surprising, even when you can say, special ability, special, special children and all that.

Kim
I definitely want to talk about how you were able to help your daughter to connect with herself. But when you talked about parents not having completed the grieving process, you know, they were hoping for this situation and they got the situation. What are the signs that a mom or a dad have not completed the grieving process, have not, and are not their true selves. Katie, can you, if you’re, if you’re a parent listening, what, is there like a checklist? Is there like a quiz? What do you look for?

Gao
That’s a good question, you know, and I can’t really pinpoint to say, like, it’s the, this is like, it’s the way that you should be feeling. But first thing let’s get back to when you say the sign, what is it? How were you perceiving life? Is it like the way you imagined your life before you got where you are? How do you perceive life right now? Is there a part of you that, there are some things that you desired to have done or you plan to do, and then you find yourself and it’s kind of like, already you dropped all of that. You are not even open or even imagining that life. You’ve kind of like put it aside and have just continued with whatever that is. Also even when it comes to like, I always say that is the part of us like that deeper, that at times we judge it, you know, it’s kind of like that deeper shadow part of ourselves that we don’t even want other people to know, especially when it comes to parenting. We always want to have this thing that, oh, I’m a good parent and all that.

There is no good parent, you know, because we are parenting different souls. When you connect deeply with yourself, is there a part of you that at times, one of the things that can just be as simple as, I wish I had a normal child. I wish, you know, whatever that you wish was different, or a part of you that, because even when it comes to taking care of the child, you may be doing what you’re doing, but there is a part of you that at times, secretly, when you look at that secret thoughts that you have with yourself, or even secret feelings, or even secret emotions. Because at times you can be showing up and it’s not like you’re smiling with a child and all that. Then from there, when you are by yourself, in a corner or just before you sleep, you just start breaking down, you start crying. At times you may even cry without even knowing where are these emotions coming from. But it’s coming through, especially when you have not sort of like consciously brought in, where it’s kind of like my life is just hard. Why can’t my life be different?

Like other people? Why couldn’t I have other children like, like other people have?

Kim
Are you saying that having those thoughts? I wish I had a different situation. Those thoughts are a sign that you haven’t completed the process of accepting your child. I thought that if you could have that thought and acknowledge and embrace the fact, you know what, this is not the life I was planning on having. Or maybe what’s the difference between a healthy version of looking at a situation that you hadn’t planned on and an unhealthy way of looking at what’s different.

Gao
Yeah, I like that because there is a healthy way where at times it’s like it’s a flash that comes, but then it doesn’t stick, you know, but if it’s like your base thoughts, where it’s kind of like you are there continuously, where you can’t see anything better than where you at, you can’t even see the grace that is happening within that situation. I’ll give you an example. Actually, I was just sitting with this gratitude even yesterday. Like I mentioned before that my ex, now my ex-husband was in this whole denial, even when the time when I was working on my daughter, he just told me, you need to come back to earth. Kind of like get off your horse or wherever that you are and come back to earth and accept that this is what is here, you know, but from, not from, you know, there’s a positive side of that and there’s a negative side, but it’s kind of like you are just being elusive or whatever. We went through that situation of him being totally absent in that situation. Then he was absent completely. But when he realized that, oh, the child is now able to walk and all that, rather than what he thought, he showed up.

Because we, yeah, I can’t say because of this child that there were problems. There were problems before, but now with, for me, it was like difficult to get over what I experienced in the time when I needed him the most, you know, and besides other things that happened prior, we couldn’t hold on into this marriage. So he used his, I would say, white privilege, you know, cause I’m here in Germany, and I went through the situation with my children, with the father of that, with our father, the first time he was there supporting me. The second time he took advantage and did exactly what my ex did previously to take my child away from me, you know, so at the same time, knowing his situation with alcohol and all of that, it’s heartbreaking and everything. Especially that he was even absent when the child was going through that. Now when the child is okay, it’s kind of like now I get to be the father and take this child away from you. I looked at all that, but on the other hand, it’s kind of like there is gratitude that I’m feeling from the fact that whatever the purpose of this is, and on the other hand, if at all this is the only thing that he can hold into, and maybe it can help him to be a better person, a better version that he was meant to be, he is meant to grow through with this child.

I’m holding that grace to say it’s going to give him a chance maybe to get over his alcoholism or and change for the best. It’s not necessarily for our marriage. When it comes to the healthier side, it’s more, despite what is happening, how much of you is living in the what if, in the it shouldn’t have been, and in the gratitude and also exploring the situation and seeing what that is bringing for you. There is a time where there is a vision that maybe you are, these things are coming through, these questions are coming through. Now and then, it’s kind of like you are living there. There is definitely resentment. There is a part of you that is refusing to accept what is, or maybe your question is even like, why did you do this to me, God? That is like you refusing and resenting what is. It may be something that comes through wishing that things were different, but on the other hand, there is a part of you that is exploring and even learning from things that you wouldn’t have learned being someone that you wouldn’t be had you not been in that circumstances that that is accepting and there is denial.

Claudie
I wanted to take that one because I know so many parents who have become different in a wonderful way. From what you’re saying, they are learning and they have become leaders of foundations to help other parents. They have taken up the challenge, but they are really proud of the child. I have in mind one or two parents right now, parents I work with, who have developed incredible, powerful tools to help other parents because they know. I also wanted to go back to one thing that you mentioned earlier regarding pushing away and the question of are we, are you doing what you used to? Where is the person that was having passions before? Because you seem to, and going to the discovery that the child has needs and is not, this is on a brain level dimension. It’s a trauma and when there is a trauma of this nature, it doesn’t need to be in an accident like you described, the accident of your brother. It is a tremendous vanishing, wiping out of what is our main messenger in the brain, which is serotonin. This trauma just wipes it out. We are all losing, gaining, depending on everyday experience.

Kim
So Claudie, is the giving up of those hobbies for you a sign that they have not yet, that they’re not yet seeing their situation in a healthy way?

Claudie
What the way I see it is they do not have a way to get their brain healthier, like doing also the duty things that are demanding. Very often and I think in your the questionnaire you send to parents when they are interested in doing mandibility, there is one question that says, when was the last time you did something for you only? Most parents will say, I don’t even remember. So we are all sort of aware and I encourage parents, I ask that question when I work with parents, what do you do for yourself? Sometimes they have a child who is bedridden, he is older, they cannot go. So just stand at the window and look at the tree. Like looking at the landscape. It’s so simple tip that looking around yourself from your window, eye movement improves dopamine production, which is the messenger of motivation, feeling good memory. 

Kim
dopamine, right?

Claudie
Yeah, dopamine is that one that will that you can create for yourself by something simple, but when you feel a little happier, a little more motivated, you will find a way to take five minutes to do something for yourself during the day. We have very little things, and I do it is smell something that you love because we know the impact of smelling on brain functions and like it makes you remember good things. That’s a nice thing about the sense of smell. It very seldom, if you like the smell, will bring a bad memory. So we have, with sensory enrichment, tiny little things that we can put into the parent’s life where our focus, as far as we’re concerned, is about amending the situation for the child. But yeah, we are totally recognizing those situations.

Kim
Yeah. This talking of dopamine and motivation makes me think of your work on energy, Gao. So what, how can parents become more aware? Because you talk about the significance of energy in healing, right? Can you explain a little bit what you mean by that and how can parents become more aware of their energy and the impact that they have on their children?

Gao
That’s kind of like a limited version of parenting. Because when you are connected to yourself, you have yourself locked in a bigger version, it doesn’t matter where you’re at. If something is not right, you are connected to that child. You’re just going to know that the energy is shifting. For me, parenting, like even on an energetic level, it’s being that parent who, despite you being there physical, but on the other hand, you can be there energetical. It gives you a chance when you are connected with yourself and knowing yourself at that level, it gives you a chance to know that it’s not only your human self that is going to be there and taking care of that child by yourself. Because when you look at the reality of life, on the other hand, we don’t know when our time is gonna be. If we feeling like we are obliged and we are not willing to nurture ourselves so that we can even have that longevity to take care of our children, then we are gonna miss out on their growth or even when they need us more. Energetically, it’s, I don’t even know how best to describe it, but it’s more like connecting to the non-physical, connecting to the energy where even when you’re parenting from that, let me say, you are, especially when you’re talking about children with special needs and actually even just children, the first language of children is not words.

It’s just our presence, the expression, if something is not right. When you are present enough, especially where children are not able to articulate that message properly, you can tell beyond the words that are being said. You can read the energy in the room, even if a child is saying, like maybe they don’t want to bother you because these are beautiful, intelligent beings. At times they can just develop a habit of, ah, this is too much on my parent. They decide to start holding into things and not saying. But you can tell that despite this child not saying anything, something is not right. For us to get to that level, it’s for us to get to that level with ourselves. It also needs some time. Like when you say it at times, even five minutes, I don’t think it has for you even to take time, whether it’s 15, 30 minutes and checking with yourself, what is the status of my being? What is my energy? What am I feeling? You know where you are at before you can connect with your child or you can connect with other people.

You can also tell, this is how I’m feeling. Now I get to connect maybe with Claudie or Kim, but I know that the energy is shifting. Is this mine? You understand? It’s like going back to that, going deeper to that level of the non-verbal, of the energetical, to say this is, I was in the room, this is how you felt earlier. Now things have changed to what’s really going on, you know, it’s not only depending on what is being said, because our energy as well may influence. Let me say, I was not in the room and when I come in, the energy is a bit lighter. But then when I stay there for five, ten minutes, somehow some energy shifting, you know, it’s shifting, the child is not as lively or lighter as the child was earlier, then I get to check in with myself because it’s not about the smile that I’m putting on. I can come in with a smile, but if my energies of the child can just tell that something is not right here. Are we aware of how much we are impacting, even our children, despite us taking care of them?

Because when we are not taking care of ourselves, even energetically and everything, then we are trying to help them. But whatever that we are carrying and suppressing is also we are passing it into our children.

Kim
I know you have a, you know, a complete healing and program for parents and for people to connect with themselves. But do you have one piece of advice or technique that you could share with our audience? Our time is over, but I wanted to leave maybe a practical nugget for our audience, for our parents who are wanting to be present, who are wanting to know if they are present and to have good energy for their children.

Gao
Yeah, that’s a good one. What I want to start with, like I said, first thing is to check in, check in with yourself and you can close your eyes and just be in your body. Like I said in the beginning, what am I agreeing to? Which also takes us to our intention. What is your intention for the day? When you wake up, yesterday was yesterday, whatever that happened in yesterday happened yesterday. When you start today, start your day by checking in with yourself. When you check in with yourself, we check on how you’re feeling. Another thing just shortly can also be while you are connecting to your body feeling. You call your energy back to yourself, wherever that you may be, whether it’s about those bills, whether it’s about, maybe you are, you are focusing on the person that you’re taking care of or your child, you know, you are focusing on them and you are living your energy with them. When you check in with yourself, you just releasing, whatever, that is not yours, even that energy, sending it back, whatever that you may be, because at times when you worry about somebody, we are living that worry with them.

We are worried and thinking that, okay, because I care, I’m worried and I want things to be all right, but it’s kind of like giving them a baggage. So take your energy back, even those baggages that are, it’s caring, but it’s caring in not in a way that is beneficial. You call your energy back to yourself, checking yourself and just connect to the light or whoever that you believe in, you know, the higher force that you believe in. Just imagine we can just imagine water just washing you over, cleansing you in. From there you set an intention. How do you want to experience your day? You go into there, your child or whoever from this clean slate.

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