How Empathy Transforms College Admissions for Students with Special Needs
Navigating college admissions is a complex and often daunting process for any student, but especially for students with special needs.
What if the key to success isn’t simply boosting grades or adding more tutoring?
In this article, we’ll explore the strategies McGee recommends, supported by research and additional expert insights, to show how empathy can reshape the way students prepare for college admissions and help them gain entry into dream schools like MIT or Stanford.
Welcome to ‘The Happy Sensory Corner in Special Ed’ – the podcast where we explore the world of sensory enrichment and environmental enrichment in special education.
Through insightful discussions, interviews with experienced special education directors, and inspiring stories of resilience, we uncover the secrets to success in special education. Discover practical strategies, sensory enrichment protocols, and evidence-based practices that can transform the lives of special education students and educators.
Anneke Elmhirst is a relationship coach and former behavior analyst. With her we discuss:
– Ethical concerns with ABA practices and how they can impact neurodivergent children.
– The importance of respect and self-regulation in building healthier relationships between neurodivergent children and their parents.
– How parent education can foster acceptance and long-term well-being for children with special needs.
Anneke shares her journey from behavior analysis to relationship coaching, revealing why she left the ABA field due to ethical concerns and how she now empowers families and individuals to thrive authentically.
Claudie explains the brain’s role in self-regulation and the neurobiology behind stress reduction in children with sensory challenges. She also shares sensory enrichment strategies, including specific games to support emotional regulation and build trust between parents and children.
Episode Highlights
@3:37 – Anneke explains why she transitioned from ABA to coaching, citing the need for more ethical, child-centered practices.
@7:28 – Anneke describes her concerns about the societal pressures in ABA, including an anecdote about pushing children toward “age-appropriate” recreational skills that might not bring them joy.
@13:33 – Anneke challenges the idea that parents must “change” their children to fit societal norms and highlights the importance of fostering acceptance.
@15:23 – Anneke shares practical steps for educating parents about behaviors like stimming and how to help them reframe these actions positively.
@24:06 – Claudie explains how serotonin imbalances contribute to anxiety in nonverbal children and describes sensory enrichment activities, like massage and music, that help children self-regulate.
@38:11 – Claudie shares a touching story about how offering alternatives for a child’s unsafe stimming behavior led to mutual respect between the child and parent.
@38:51 – Anneke highlights why respect is a two-way street and shares how children often communicate respect in unique ways.
@40:52 – Anneke discusses how teaching children to respect boundaries fosters emotional growth and independence.
Why removing pressure is key to helping special needs students thrive
Traditional approaches to education often emphasize improving academic weaknesses. However, Matt McGee suggests that reducing unnecessary accountability pressure is a more effective starting point for students with special needs. He explains that many of these students feel burdened by the responsibility to meet expectations, which stifles their learning process.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for in this situation. You are not accountable to me. I am only here to say we are in this place and we are going to solve for that.”
Research supports this approach—stress impairs cognitive function and memory, making it difficult for students to learn effectively. By removing the pressure of constant accountability, students are given the space to take on challenges at their own pace, resulting in better learning outcomes.
However, some educators argue that a balance must be struck between empathy and accountability. Too much focus on removing pressure can lead to a lack of structure, which may hinder students’ ability to meet educational goals.
The key is creating an environment that both supports and challenges students.
Academic curiosity, not just skill-building, drives long-term success
Rather than focusing solely on grades, McGee emphasizes the importance of fostering “academic curiosity” in students. He encourages students to engage with their studies in a meaningful way, which leads to deeper learning.
“We don’t just want to put a band-aid on this issue. We want this student to be engaged in school.”
This method aligns with research showing that intrinsically motivated students—those who are genuinely curious and invested in learning—perform better over time than students who are motivated by external factors such as grades.
However, the focus on nurturing curiosity can conflict with traditional education models that prioritize standardized testing. These models often emphasize short-term academic results, which can overshadow the benefits of cultivating a love for learning. The challenge for educators and parents is to balance the need for measurable outcomes with the importance of fostering intellectual curiosity.
Using sensory strategies to reduce anxiety and improve focus
Students with special needs often struggle with anxiety, which can be a significant barrier to learning. Claudie Pomares, creator of Sensory Enrichment Therapy, suggests simple but effective sensory strategies to help students manage their anxiety and improve focus.
“Holding two different things of different temperature makes the brain sort of settle. For two seconds, that’s all the brain is doing—processing the information of the temperature, maybe the shape of the object.”
For more tips on integrating sensory techniques at home, see our guide on Four Senses to Activate Clarity and Stress Relief.
Every student is unique: tailor your approach to fit their needs
A key takeaway from McGee’s work, as well as wider educational research, is that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to supporting students with special needs. McGee emphasizes the importance of tailoring learning strategies to each student’s individual needs, whether it’s fostering curiosity or managing anxiety with sensory tools.
Transcript
Kim – Mendability So Matt, we like to start with learning what got people to where they are today. Tell us your “why.” What inspired you, and what challenges and bumps in the road did you face? What are you bringing to the table for parents of children with special needs?
Matt McGee – MRM Education Yeah, for sure. So I actually got into education by accident. I was fresh out of college, trying to break into a writing career. I was very creative in that way, being an English major and whatnot, and I got a job working with a group of immigrant students in an immersion program over the summer.
I was going to work with them, not just on the language side of things, but also take them around town to restaurants, movie theaters, and other places where they had to communicate in English.
As we got further along, I would help them less and less. At the end of the day, we would unpack things, talk about where they could improve, and get into the more textbook academic stuff.
It was a three-month program, and by the end of it, the students who knew no English were immersed in the culture and confident about it. That was an enlightening and rewarding experience for me. From there, the company offered me a full-time position as a tutor and admission specialist. It was an easy decision because, as a tutor, you’re taking students who are struggling and helping them get to a place where they feel better about school.
With college admissions, you’re taking them from being anxious and uncertain to building certainty. I’m there for the whole process—from not knowing English to feeling confident, from not knowing what college you’re going to, to opening the acceptance letter. That was really exciting for me.
Kim – Mendability Is that what you meant by academic curiosity?
Matt McGee – MRM Education Yes. When we talk about academic curiosity, we want to move away from simply teaching a struggling student, say, math, with a tutor who knows math.
Often, the struggle is environmental or comes from the student’s lack of engagement. Instead of just band-aiding the issue by improving their math skills, we want to understand the underlying issues. We want the student to be engaged and confident in school—not just better at math.
Kim – Mendability How do you apply that? Have you worked with children with special needs?
Matt McGee – MRM Education I have. It’s funny because I wasn’t originally trained for it. I switched companies and became a homeschool teacher. One day, I got an email asking me to teach two students—one was on the autism spectrum, and the other had such severe anxiety that her family had to pull her out of school.
I had no experience with special education, autism, or anxiety that extreme, but I took the challenge.
It was a learning process, and I had to throw everything I knew out the window. I had to figure out how to work with a student who would completely shut down and not speak for an hour if I asked her to take out a textbook.
Kim – Mendability How old was that student?
Matt McGee – MRM Education She was in fourth grade, so about nine or ten years old.
Kim – Mendability Right.
Matt McGee – MRM Education I had to throw out everything I thought I knew. I realized that I had to engage with the student in front of me and solve from that place.
Kim – Mendability And the other student?
Matt McGee – MRM Education The other student was a bit older—around 15 or 16 years old—and on the autism spectrum. He was studying government and politics. People on the autism spectrum often have rigid belief systems, and they aren’t always flexible or adaptable. I wasn’t the right teacher for him because I focus on teaching students how to think, not what to think. This is especially hard for someone on the spectrum who has very fixed ideas.
Kim – Mendability Claudie, that reminds me of what we often see with kids with autism who struggle with abstract concepts, like social constructs. What’s your experience with this?
Claudie Pomares – Mendability Yes, I work with families where the child struggles with understanding abstract concepts. For example, a child might be rigid in their thinking because they can’t form a mental image of political ideas. Another child I worked with had social difficulties because she couldn’t grasp the purpose of games. She would constantly ask, “What are we playing?” She was very intelligent but didn’t understand the social aspect of play.
At Mendability, we help these children build mental images and connect abstract concepts by creating activities that build bridges in their brains.
Kim – Mendability Matt, you mentioned you had less success with one of the students. What worked well, and what didn’t?
Matt McGee – MRM Education What worked was leading with empathy and focusing on the person. The girl with anxiety wasn’t responding to typical approaches, so I started answering her personal questions. She asked me about my apartment, my roommate, and other personal things. Normally, you want to maintain boundaries, but I realized this was the only thing that worked.
Once she exhausted her questions, she was ready to work. We developed a system where we’d balance personal questions with work. This approach ultimately helped her re-enter the classroom. I learned that leading with the student’s needs is crucial. If you don’t engage with the person, no amount of academic teaching will matter.
Kim – Mendability Do you work mostly one-on-one in person or online? Do you see a difference?
Matt McGee – MRM Education We work almost 99% online. Studies show that one-on-one doesn’t make a huge difference whether it’s in person or online. However, as soon as you add another person, in-person interaction becomes important. Online, it’s harder to interpret social cues like who someone is looking at or talking to. But one-on-one, online works just as well.
Kim – Mendability Claudie, what do you think about the girl with anxiety? Any protocols Matt could use, especially if it’s online?
Claudie Pomares – Mendability Yes, one-on-one relationships work well online, and communication is key. We have a protocol where students hold something warm and something cold to help their brains process the sensory information, which calms them down. It’s quick, and it forces the brain to focus on the different temperatures. You can use objects that everyone has on their desk.
Matt McGee – MRM Education I love that! I have a student with ADHD, and I use a similar strategy by having him focus on something physical in the room to bring him back to the present.
Kim – Mendability Anything that helps neurodivergent students cope can help all students. Matt, have you started using these techniques with all your students?
Matt McGee – MRM Education Yes, I’ve noticed that students with disabilities often carry shame and feel overly accountable. They apologize for things they don’t need to apologize for, and that shame bleeds into the rest of their lives. One of the most significant takeaways for me has been removing this feeling of accountability.
Whether they’re special ed or neurotypical, students often feel accountable to their teachers and parents. But as soon as you approach them as an adult who’s there to support, not discipline, it changes everything.
I tell my students, “You don’t have to apologize to me. You aren’t accountable to me. I’m here to help you solve problems, not punish you.” That mindset shift makes all the difference.
Kim – Mendability That makes a lot of sense. Claudie, any thoughts on that? The idea of not putting pressure?
Claudie Pomares – Mendability Yes, having no expectations beyond what the student can handle is essential. If we expect more than they can do, it causes so much anxiety.
The key is working on what the student can do today, not focusing on past failures or future goals. That’s where the real progress comes from.
Kim – Mendability I was thinking about the stress and cortisol levels and what happens in the brain when you’re in that mode and how it impacts your ability to learn.
Claudie Pomares – Mendability Yes, I recently worked with a child whose serotonin levels were very low. Serotonin is responsible for relaxation, sensory processing, sleep, and feeding. When any of those functions are disrupted, it’s a sign that serotonin levels are low.
I created a two-week serotonin therapy plan for the child, incorporating small activities that helped restore her serotonin levels. Simple things like dealing with body temperature can cost our brain serotonin. So if we’re too hot, it can make us anxious or depressed, which creates a vicious cycle.
But we can reverse that cycle by boosting serotonin through sensory enrichment activities. Music, for example, is a great tool—it instantly boosts serotonin and dopamine levels. You don’t need medication for that.
Kim – Mendability So these activities build up learning fuel. Should Matt start his sessions with a two-minute slideshow of art and relaxing music to help students focus?
Claudie Pomares – Mendability Yes, some schools start their day with this technique. Music and art can boost dopamine, and in just two or three minutes, you can have students in a much better place to pay attention.
Even students with ADHD, who often feel constant shame or apologetic tendencies, benefit from this approach. Starting a session by boosting dopamine helps set the stage for productive learning.
Kim – Mendability Matt, do you have any cool success stories—students who’ve really stood out?
Matt McGee – MRM Education There are so many stories. One of my first students wanted to go to MIT, and his grades were excellent, but MIT has a very low acceptance rate—around 2-4%.
He had done a chemistry project where he developed a primitive AI system to help his school library organize its books. This was back in 2013, and AI wasn’t really a thing yet. So we leaned into that.
We focused his application essay on his intellectual and academic curiosity, showing how he applied what he learned beyond the classroom. He got into MIT.
Another student, who was autistic, discovered a new species of fish in a state park. He worked with local biologists and discovered the fish couldn’t reach the ocean, making them a completely different species.
Before this, he didn’t think college was possible, but his experience with biology made him stand out, and he was accepted into his dream school.
Kim – Mendability That sounds like much more than tutoring.
Matt McGee – MRM Education Yes, it’s more than tutoring. Tutoring ensures you meet the bar for grades, but this extra stuff—your personal experiences—pushes you beyond the competition.
Even if you don’t have perfect grades, using your experiences creatively can help you get into a second-tier school that you might not have qualified for otherwise.